Turning 20

I turn 20 in one month and nine days. I didn't think turning 20 would affect me this much, but it's really getting to me. Something about the age 20 seems so surreal to me because I never had to worry about it since was so far away, but now it's here, and it's coming, sooner than I had anticipated. Everyone describes your early 20s is like your second puberty, another coming of age. That sounds so exhausting. I barely made it out of my first puberty, my first coming of age, and I have to do that again? I should be excited and grateful that I made it to another year and happy for ending another chapter of my life, it's what younger me would've wanted. The thought of becoming an adult, a real adult, made me feel so full of joy. All I wanted as a kid was to grow up, now I am growing up. And now all I want right now, at this moment, is to be a kid again. I don't want to turn 20, I want to be 9 again and feel like turning 16 years old is light years away. But I can't. Therefore, the most I can do now is try to fulfill all my hopes and dreams I had as a kid and make her feel like turning 20 is the best thing in world, prove younger me right. I can't change the fact that I'm growing up, I just wish this time around, I actually enjoy my time as a 20 year old instead of wanting to be 18 or 16 or 13 or 11 or 8. For once, let me not be stuck in the past. Let me enjoy my 20s.