02.11.24

Todays the weekend, very excited to relax today. I've been re-playing Skyrim & Night in the Woods the past few days. Yesterday, my family went off to a funeral. One of my moms friends. I didn't go, which was selfish to do. I didn't know the woman, and my dad said i didn't have to go, so i didn't. It was in the morning too, and I'm sure i would have just made them all late. But i guess at the end of the day choosing not to go wasn't the worst idea, since apparently my mom got the date wrong-- and they showed up to an empty venue. Ill go to the funeral at the actual date though.

I spoke to my mom a bit about S. She cleared up a lot of the things i was confused and scared about. I feel hesitant to share the details of what's happening to him on my online diary, even though absolutely no one sees these or goes out of their way to read these. But she told me its not terminal, like i previously thought. Hes on chemo, and hell probably be okay. My moms thinking of asking his parents if he and them wanted to come over sometime, since she hasn't seen them in awhile, and i haven't seen S since middle school. But she also said hed be hesitant to, since he doesn't like people seeing him without his hair. So hell probably not want to see me, which i get. 

At lunch, i saw D. I guess were gonna be friends again, since hes not awkward around me anymore. Which just means i guess hes comfortable with running into me in the halls during lunch, shoving a half empty box of donuts from his work in my hands, and leaving. R stayed behind, completely baked. I asked him repeatedly why D gave these to me, and he was like i do not know. I let him have a donut though. 

After that, i met up with A and her friend T. A previous day, me and A walked T to the cafeteria to drop her off with her other friends, as we do. Her other friends came, and so did K. K had a but of a glow up i guess, or at least stopped wearing her mask 24/7. Which is cool. I dont have any hard feelings towards her anymore, shes just a bit unlikeable. T tells me that people say shes bossy. Anyways, when me, A and T were walking, T told me that K had been shit-talking A a lot recently. Even while A tries to make amends by complimenting her in art class. T told us that the other day after we dropped her off; K asked T if me and A were shit talking her. I dont really wanna be dragged into this all over again tbh.

Anyways, me and A went to her spot during lunch by the lockers with her friend group. Theyre all really cool girls, really put together. The donuts came in handy i guess, since every automatically liked me since i gave them all the donuts. There was only one left afterwards, so i ate it. We had a good time after that.

My teacher moved my seat in 4th period, so id be away from P. They noticed early on how much my presence distracted him, and how uncomfortable he made me. Im in the middle of the room, in a very stressful spot now. I sit across from C though, so that's cool. There's a new girl in class, she gets along well with the guys. Ill miss my window seat though. 

Friday was a bit of an off day for everyone in 4th, but some of us still had work to do. I sat at the back round table next to L. She had nothing to do, so she was cutting out magazines and putting them in a scrapbook she found in the back of the art class. I worked on math and history, and got a fair amount of work done. L talks in a baby voice when she asks people to do things for her. I find it pretty petty and off-putting. She asked Ms. B to do or get something for her, and she used this small, fragile, close to tears voice. I don't think i ever really noticed it too bad before. She had had a breakdown earlier today, so i didnt question it. But later at the end of class, she asked me to help her cut out some stuff. She used the voice again, and i thought it was pretty weird in the moment. I was tempted to just say no just because of the weird mini-manipulation tactic, but i obliged anyways. She seemed thankful, so i guess its fine. Its not like its this big deal, or like its harming anyone. She never asks for anything big. 

Two or so years ago, another girl in Ms. B's class did something like that. Shed constantly ask Ms. B to get stuff for her, bring her stuff-- constantly. Like Ms. B was her mom. Ms. B didnt seem bothered by it, but i was. Ms. B was also majorly pregnant at the time if my memory is warped. So after school one day, i went up to M and told her off, borderline yelling. Ugh its so embarrassing looking back. So so embarrassing. She stopped though, which is cool i guess. Me and the M girl had a bit of a rivalry back then, but now i think im past instigating stuff with her, even though i still dont like her. If you need to know what shes like; then know that almost everyday of highschool so far, shes worn the same dmsp dream/ranboo sweater to school. Id assumed she would have moved on from that phase at least in the start of junior year, but i guess not. For a moment there i completely forgot Dream was a actual, proven groomer. Pretty funny. Wonder what she thinks about it, or if she just ignores/doesnt believe it.

Afterschool, i walked to the grocery store across the street-- as everyone does. I saw D and R again, and we chatted a bit since Y wasnt there that day. I was waiting for my dad to pick me up, as usual, and R asked if he could have a ride. I said sure, and asked my dad. R was super thankful, and he asked if D could have one too, i said yes aswell. We dropped D off at his work, and i mentioned to my dad that i wanted to go to barns and nobles today, since we were in the area. B&N was right across the street from where we were, and i asked R if it was okay if we went there super quick before dropping him off. He said yes, that he didnt really need to get home for another hour anyways. We went in, and i found the book i wanted; This One Summer. I remember checking it out of the library probably three times in middle school. That library is gone now though, i remember one of my art pieces in class was put up in a showcase there once. 

The book in question had some topics i didn't understand at the time-- like miscarriages, teen pregnancy and suicide, and homosexuality. Its not that heavy over all, but it does have its parts. I plan on reading it some today. Very lazy day today, i plan on enjoying it. Logging off.