i am older, but not truly

saturday 324

a lot of things have happened, as they always do and are expected to, since i last wrote. 

i started another college semester, i got massively drunk which is never a surprise, i went out with friends and guys and obviously reconnected with an ex that i’d rather never see again. i am stuck in a cicle that has recently turned a dramatic turn, and that is: tomorrow.

there’s a gathering at one of my friend’s house, they want to watch that televised american football thing, the super bowl, as an excuse to meet up and introduce everyone to their respective partners. the star of that evening were supposed to be my best friend and his new fling, but she’s not coming and now it’s awkward because i invited a certain someone just to not be alone and… we’ll see. i’m ranting, but i think it’s because of the stress.

the thing is, we were talking (the girls, that is) and we delved into dangerous territory for early-twenty women: the pre-hang out conversation. “letting you all know i’m bringing a cheesecake!” “i was thinking of some snacks, too.” “how about we ask the guys to put on the grill?” and we kept going until, abruptly, we all snapped out of it. what had we done? what were we becoming?

we joked and laughed, and then shared it with our male friends, but at least i know i am shocked… weirdly, though, it’s not all disgusting. it’s weird to belong and settle into a routine after you’ve spent months and years crawling into a mess. 

i don’t know what to expect.