School

I missed three consecutive days of school. Which means that I had almost a week off of school. I didn’t really leave the house and kinda rotted in bed all day. The more I stay inside the more I understand why people become shut ins. It’s so hard to go back into the real world without feeling embarrassed. I almost didn’t go to class today because i was so worried about how people might perceive me for missing class three days in a row. The idea of going to school was so scary. 

Now I missed so much school im worried im going to be kicked out. 

When I was in highschool I didn’t mind not leaving the house and staying inside for weeks. I didn’t need to go anywhere. I could play my games and watch anime all day without a care as long as I did my work. But then Covid hit towards the end of my sophomore year. I left the house a handful of times for two years. The thought of hanging out with friends at the mall or arcade was so draining. I was severely depressed but slowly I had to go back to school full time and it kinda got better. 

When I was a senior my seasonal depression hit me like truck. I couldn’t leave my bed for almost a month. For two weeks in January I couldn’t wake up on time to go to school. Then I went to school for a week, then right back to staying home. It was so hard. 

Freshman year of college it was better. I had friends that lived with me and helped me. But now it’s so hard to go to class. I can’t. Im so sad all the time and I just don’t want to be alone right now but at the same time I don’t want to ruin the mood for my friends and partner. 

I don’t know. I feel like I’m getting worse and I have no outlet. I can’t get therapy or medicated. But I think imma get a plant today (and maybe vitamins) just so that I have something to look forward to everyday. Maybe try a new hobby, but that requires a lot of time and money that I don’t necessarily have right now.

*I would play animal crossing, but I’m too attached to my first island to restart.