Thoughts of a busy brain

Last night was busy, It was like emotionally busy. 

From a friend trying to commit suicide and having to talk them down to receiving the dreaded words of "Your the only reason I'm living anymore" and more silly little apologies. I told them the truth that I cared but 

I didn't feel it you know? I know I care about my friends that what friends do its on the little form you sign when you become friends but I didn't feel it. I didn't feel sorrow I didn't feel sadness I felt normal. I felt acknowledgement that I might lose a friend tonight but that's it, this morbid indifference of settling the fact that I was potentially about to lose another person from my life. I've had so many people kill themselves I think I have truly desensitised to it. However dramatic and edgy that sounds.

I could feel the thought saying I should feel sad but I didn't, I said the words to make them reconsider, I talked them down but I never felt sad at the possibility that If I hadn't woken up and checked socials when I did they would be gone.

Does this all make sense? I don't know if it does make sense but lets see right? See if I said the right funny words.

:3

Eveie