018 ୨ৎ

i feel so dirty 

i feel so ashamed

i feel so sick

i feel all the feelings

i do not wish to feel

i hate it 

i hate how i feel

i hate how i continue to feel

i hate how i continue to try

when nothing works

when i’ve pleased no one

i hate how i yearn to be accepted

yet i hate everyone

i hate how im so angry 

and it’s actually sadness

i hate how im not angry

but anger is all i know

anger is familiar 

and yet i just feel discarded 

misrepresented

ignored 

dismissed 

i hate how everything controls me

and yet i am in charge 

i hate how i want everything 

i cannot have

and when i have it

i do not want it anymore 

i hate how this feels 

it always feels

so dirty