Late Bloomer

Im a late bloomer what does that mean you may ask well it  means that in the 23 years of my existence I have never been with anyone beyond kissing I've never had a boyfriend I've never been asked out on a date nothing like that and to be honest with you most days it doesn't even faze me other days though it just simply fucking sucks. When I was younger I always thought that there was something wrong me maybe if I was prettier or skinnier someone would want me these are the thoughts that ran through my head as a teenager and even sometimes till this day growing up as one of the only black kids in a predominately white neighborhood definitely didn't help either I spent most of my life hating that I was black for this reason no one ever wanted me. I was on TikTok the other day and saw another female talking about her experiences as a late bloomer and thats when it clicked for me that I was not the only one who experienced this or is still experiencing it. There is something that happens to your self esteem that only people who have dealt with this will understand the pain you feel behind the smile every time one of your friends gets married or gets into a new relationship or when you see people being pursued by someone who's interested in them and wants to get to know them better. I wouldn't describe it as jealousy because I feel genuinely happy for those people who get to experience it but I feel sad for myself because I fear that I never will. -Blue