Journey of Strength [Part 3]

This will be the third part of my coming out story, and will be written in a way to be readable out of order. Names will be replaced by ridiculous alternatives.

At 18, I had just become closer friends with a guy 15ish+ my age named Cat, a nerdy genius with an affinity for cats, old sci-fi, and being the number one Halloween house on his neighborhood block with his custom-built oddities around his backyard haunted house.  And at this point in the story, I had just left a big, super-gay party ( hosted by Cat, whom I trusted ) with guys way out of my age range and got two older guy's numbers - one I'll call Jackle and the other I'll call Wolf.  

I was desperate to find more connections after feeling isolated from my high school friends.  I took up Jackle's offer to meet up at his place ( a questionable move, but we're all questionable at 18 ).  He had a hot tub, smart TVs ( very recent technology and a big deal at the time ), really good food, the works.  I enjoyed those luxuries offered, but it was clear this was all a set up to get one thing he wanted.

I spoke with the other new guy the next day, Wolf.  He had warned me about Jackle and I decided to question him a bit more about it, as Jackle seemed nice enough.  Wolf mentioned that Jackle liked to find young coming-out guys like myself, use them, and drop them after a short while.  Something made me trust Wolf on this, so from then on I began ignoring Jackle.

I think Jackle didn't like being ghosted, and asked to talk over a call, so I did.  He was straight to the point, and wanted to know what was up.  I'm a terrible liar, so I mentioned that someone had warned me about you (Jackle).  He immediately asked, "Was it Wolf?", and my hesitation gave him the answer. 

I never heard from Jackle again and would learn afterwards that this caused a permanent rift between friends of Wolf and Jackle. ( I have nothing against Jackle, but what he was offering was not what I really needed at the time. )

At community collage, I would find out that Wolf lived close by.  On his invitation, I began staying at his place on some nights to escape the noisy campus dorms.  Not once did he try to initiate anything more than friendship and he would become my one other "gay mentor" in life. 

As my community college years came to an end, I was looking to move far away to University, and Wolf was in the midst of selling his home to move far away for work.  I might've cried a little, I hadn't realized how attached I'd gotten. 

When I made it to University, Wolf remotely got me introduced to an even-older guy I'll call Bear.  Bear lives alone with a small dog, and he also turned to be a good connection to have.  Through various hardships, I was able to stay at Bear's house and he'd dispense some old wisdom on me and cook some fine meals.  I remember watching "Brokeback Mountain" and then the comedy "You Should Meet My Son" and several other LGBT films I would have never seen.

It was around the age of 23 that I was fully out and with my now-husband.  Amazingly, many other adults in my life and former close friends were still under the impression I was confused...( and people wonder how adults develop self-confidence issues after over a decade of invalidation ).

Finally, I grew a bit stronger with the help of Cat, Wolf, and Bear and stopped having to over-rely on them for constant emotional support as I navigated my way through the volatile ups and downs of college love life. Ten years after University, I live away from all of them now with my husband, but still touch base with all three of them to this day.

In another entry, I'll cover how my choice to embrace this part of me affected my spiritual outlook.