life 2: fuck this

i haven't been on here in what, 4, 5 days? i guess once the initial mystique of this website wears off, it gets rather bland.

still a pretty good site; but alissa hasn't been on so there's not much 2 do

life has gotten mildly worse, and i'm starting to second-guess everything i ever felt abt litr everything. this could just be the sleep deprivation talking, but god damn life is changing so damn fast. one day i could b happy with it and the next i wanna slit my wrists and bleed out, NOT THAT I'VE EVER DONE THAT, OR WILL DO IT (probably not)! just sayin. don't self-harm or commit suicide guys. 

but yea.. god idfk what to do. i b acting happy, and rlly for the most part i am, but when i have nobody to talk to, life just sucks ass. i just think about what i could have done about literally anything, with no respite from my thoughts; it's just unending. 

but yeah. i've noticed talking w my #1 fav person (it's obvious who it is) is starting 2 become (slightly) draining bcuz of.. things she did a few days back, that are NOT normal and actually really make me sad/mad. but i'm good at hiding it! and i litr talk to her for like 90% of the day so idfk. it'll pass though. maybe screaming it into this void will help?

but yeah. as i write this, i feel ever so slightly better. i just don't wanna lose anyone else and i feel like i'm losing the one that matters the most and there's nothin' i can do.

but once again; all of this is probably the sleep deprivation talking. my sleep schedule is fucked.

ethan out. cya

p.s: ik ur gnna see this alissa so 86.4% fuck you for what you did. i'm still (kinda) pissed abt it, and it made my trust issues come back full-force.

but still, love you.