01.29.24

This morning, my dad woke me up at 6:30, and i had a breakdown because of it. Today was monday and i was excited for the new school semester. The feeling of uselessness and doom has gone away as my grades are reset for the new semester, and even though i know three 0's will be in my records forever, and im powerless to ever change it; i feel a sense of renewal at new classes, new assignments and a new chance. I had a super cute outfit and everything, new jeans, new shirt. Took a shower and used my new rose scented bodywash; only to be woken up at 6:30 instead of 5 like normal. Last night i considered setting an alarm, but i disregarded it, since i trusted that my dad would wake me up at 5 like he usually does. But he woke me up at 6:30 and i felt horrible realizing that i wouldnt have the leisurely time to eat breakfast. I know its not that big of a deal, and i should have just set an alarm instead of phrasing this entire entry like im blaming my father; but its a big deal to me. I woke up and cried, and didnt go to school. Thats not new to me though, i cry almost everytime i get ready to, or try to go to school. I think i was just so tired of rushing to get to school late everyday that i just wouldn't do it today, when today was supposed to be the reset; the new chance. 

My period didnt come this month, im 22 days late today. I dont know where its gone, or whats caused its absence. My period skipped once, but that was years ago. And during then, i wasnt sleeping or eating. And im certainly sleeping now. I never know if my emotions are due to my obviously out of balance hormones, or just the fact that im a severely immature 17 year old girl. I feel like shit today, i dont know if im entering another short depressive episode or not. It seems like i have one every month, always lasting 10-20 or so days. 

I'll make sure to set an alarm next time though. Logging off.