sexual inadequacy

me and my bf split for a bit and then got back together but in an open way. he tells me that other girls were able to make him cum from head... that he had raw sex with these girls too... it hurts me... I don't feel like he is truly attracted to me ... just because these girls were able to make him cum and recently I just haven't been able to ? I don't know if it's my insecurities prohibiting me from performing or if I am truly trash. he tries to reassure me but it doesn't work... like how is it that some lightsokin bitch who knew him for two seconds made him cum from head but me who has been dating him for months has to actually put in work to get him to actually cum. I made fun of the guy that I was talking to when we weren't together who had a sticky tip for me just from talking to me at the bar, but now I want that... I want him to be crumbling from nothing... so I feel like maybe im just not as attractive as she is. just sex he says but I want t be desired I don't want to simply be the madonna, some part of that is misogyny. I think. I just want these feelings to go away and for me and hi to be okay again. but they creep up in the middle of the night or at the d end of sex when I've cum and gushing for him and he's just hard... hate myself.