My Stalker

1/24/24

9:31PM-9:53PM

Location: Dorm Room

My eyes currently hurt. You know that pain when you just feel the tears trying to burst through, but you just hold it in? Yeah, that type of hurt. And honestly, this time I'm not exactly sure the cause of my suffering. Obviously, most of it has to do with "HER", as I was thinking about that situation a lot, but also just feeling sorry for myself affected me. Literally feeling bad for myself and how I feel down made me even feel worse for my own self. Funny, isn't it?

The recent changes in my life, I guess have not really done much to help. Neither have the distractions that have come from it. Even when I was having fun. 

I have a stalker. He follows me everywhere I go. No matter how far and fast I run. He'll always catch up eventually. Even if I think I've escaped it I know he'll find me and keep himself close again. His volume is large, seemingly indefinite, like gas, so I'll always be completely engulfed within his shadow. This way, his effect on me is overwhelming and it makes sure to make me feel small, weak, and helpless. I'll never get rid of him. Physical attempts to remove his presence don't work. I'm afraid I'll never get rid of him, and even in those short moments where he doesn't seem to be around, he might be looming somewhere waiting to tap me on the shoulder and remind me he's here.

So here I stay, my eyes still hurting. Would crying make it better? I don't know anymore. Maybe I truly am hopeless. My situation hasn't changes and the hurt still feels the same as the first day in moments like this one. 

Most of you might be so confused to what I'm talking about. I can see why it's hard to understand without the proper context. Even my previous entries don't give the full story, but maybe they'll help a bit. If you wish to understand more stick around and as I continue to post here more might make sense. There's just been certain problems I've been dealing with. Certain people. Someone. I wonder what the point is. Why would I be put through this? Maybe there is no point at all. I don't know. 

Good times for a change

See, the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad

So please, please, please

Let me, let me, let me

Let me get what I want this time

Haven't had a dream in a long time

See, the life I've had can make a good man bad

So, for once in my life, let me get what I want

Lord knows it would be the first time

Lord knows it would be the first time