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DRUNK AFFF. I have no words to type out besides the flow of consciousness streaming from my brain. How can you even begin to describe loneliness? I think I can sympathize with Nietzsche and his crushing need to find intellectuals on his level. How else do you describe the feeling of empty conversations? Day-to-day conversations lead to a never-ending abyss. It's less cringy when I'm inebriated. Americans are so stupid, self-absorbed, mongrel-like, consumption addicts, and uncultured Neanderthals. Fine! don't read Dostoevsky! I don't care if you die. All I've ever wanted was an equal. To be heard!!!! Do you understand that feeling? The feeling of wanting to tear apart your own fabric of being?!!! All my 21 years has led to this pit that seems to grow every single waking day. My words may not be as eloquent as Kafka but I know you feel my angst! My need to explore, my need to express. Wanting to express with no voice, Almost as if a baby were trying to say mama with no vocal cords. MAMA! Do you know why their muscles work in that way? Muscles that replicate our own movements! Do you remember your first words? "MMMMM" the easiest movement to make with your lips. Just press them together and open your mouth. "mmmmmaaaa". I have no words to express the pain that lingers in my heart! Every waking moment of my days I spend seething at the common man. I wish to be as ignorant as you. Perhaps not because I wouldn't be able to comprehend the beauties that arise out of the tiny crevices within our minds. Even subconsciously I know what characteristic belongs to which artist. I wish to cry. I wish to experience the life that others have shown me. My entire existence has led to this point in which I try to express myself to my fellow bohemians. Fueled by nothing other than angst and drugs and self-deprecation. When I'm sober I will tell you about the Kikuo concert and how it changed me. When i go to work, when i go to school, when i go to a cafe, when i go anywhere. I search and search endlessly for someone to answer my painful questions. Every time it leads to disappointment and yet the enduring human tenacity within me pushes forward every day so that one day my questions might be answered. Why was I put on this earth to watch my fellow comrades drop right before I was even born? Mozart was a gambling alcoholic so why can't I follow in his footsteps. Instead, plastered everywhere is insignificant virtue signaling and distractions to lead you astray! Dying penniless and hedonistic within the 19th century.... What a life that must've been. Tell me, Do you hear me, Baudelaire? Can you feel your presence within an angst-filled manga about depravity? My friends are all dead and I'm stuck with you retards!! It's almost as if the shame of being who I am will outlive me.
KIKUOOOOO
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ghost girl
While loneliness succumbs to sadness I can understand that it causes the lack of meaningful connections, without guarantee or validity we do not know and only imagine, the indifference of those around us makes us feel as if we do not fit in with anyone, perhaps living in ignorance is better, but in consciousness or not everyone wants to form and feel part of something or someone, usually accepted as a way of life and sometimes ignored, that feeling of incomprehension is perhaps imposed by circumstances.
Circumstances in my own life have definitely led to my feelings of isolation. It's definitely hard for me to connect with people beyond my own circle. Not that I'm autistic,,,,, although it does cross my mind from time to time. I just can't find common ground with the mindless drones existing in my city. I've reached a point of complacency for the time being, in the meantime I bide time for the next time I might find a peer to make me happy.
by NeverNcolor_13; ; Report
without knowing your case well, I only know that people do not understand me but I do not understand them either and it is not that everything seems absurd to me but sometimes isolation can be caused by oneself or may be the consequences of the lack of empathy that others have, provoked or as something that may be inevitable there are good reasons for not having people next to me, do not get me wrong who would not like to kill thoughts with noise.
''In the midst of the crowd I live like the majority and I do not think as I think; after a certain time I end up experiencing the feeling that they want to banish me from myself and take away my soul, and I begin to dislike everyone and to fear everyone. Then I need the desert to become good again.''
by ghost girl; ; Report
I think I can gauge people pretty well, I just don't wish to engage in the massive jerk-off session that is apparent in the major populous. I wouldn't say that I lack empathy but I sometimes have trouble from empathizing with people who clearly.... have no "soul"??? it is good to be alone in my thoughts but I often find it hard to sit in those feelings and that is my next... mountain I must conquer
by NeverNcolor_13; ; Report
The desire for understanding can sometimes be strong and facing it can be better, I don't know if isolation is bad but I think it allows us to reflect on ourselves, distancing ourselves in a dry meadow makes us appreciate the sharpness of the details of our life, explore our own thoughts without thinking about the possibility of finding the incomprehensible.
by ghost girl; ; Report
that was an excellent way of putting it... and I think I will take a step back and relish in my own dry meadow
by NeverNcolor_13; ; Report
I hope I was helpful, it was great chatting with you.
by ghost girl; ; Report
NeverNcolor_13
mediocre at best! My life has turned into nothing but hatred. I can't deal with Americans anymore. I've reached my breaking point. we've become the laughing stock of the world and we have no one else to blame except for ourselves. Do you really personify the Y2k movement, or are you just following a stupid trend? empty people all of you. I don't care that you have a BB belt or a dumb fucking Vivienne Westwood necklace... show me that I can retain your attention for more than 2 seconds. Why is my value placed on how I dress? Have you bothered to engage in a conversation that lasts for more than 10 seconds? That lasts beyond "Hey, how are you doing today?" Every day I hate you all more and more! I can't stand our foolishness and cockiness! Frauds, all of you! Too busy trying to impress the masses and for what? It's meaningless. Would you really be that satisfied knowing that your little fad lasted a couple years? Knowingf that you wasted time and energy trying to fit in with the rest of us retards. I see red when I stop to look at all of us. Temptations or not, we're being led astray right under our fucking noses. Why should I care if you waste your meaningless existence on childish trends? All I've wanted was an equal. The founding fathers never included that we should encourage critical thinking and learning. That must be why we're the laughing stock of this god damn universe.