Day 86 of improving myself until until until until until until...my brain is fried, cant think of funny title...

I have been swamped recently, work, personal stuff, everything. It's all compounding. I told my friend this a while back...I am not a busy person but when I do have plans, it's always clumped together in two or three days and makes me look busy and this is one of those times. However, a new wind of motivation has been blown into my sails! (It's coffee, I had coffee for the first time in a while)

Health - it's more fitting to call this a health category because it's all encompassing yk? I did a light workout today, I haven't exercised in so long so I'm starting small to get back into the swing of things, I think today's workout was too easy though, I underestimate my fitness, I watch movies all day and read and don't play sport so I immediately assume that I have terrible health but no, I think I've come to realize that I'm quite fit, not enough to be satisfied but fitter than some people that I know. I have eaten alright today, I keep forgetting we have fruit so I end up skipping lunch. Nobody tells me when they buy fruit, my uncle told me just before I was about to eat dinner that there were peaches. I want peaches! There's also mangos apparently. Also no soda today! Only water and strictly water and definitely not coffee...okay that's a lie, don't expect me to drop coffee.

Reading - I can't just read classics, an English major once told me to read everything I could get my grubby little fingers on, that was a while back before I was so picky with literature so over the weekend, I went to the library and took a random book from the shelf and I started reading it today. It's called Hope : a tragedy and I was excited to read it but I'm not sure how I feel about it. This book could be nuanced and philosophical or it could be distasteful garbage, why do I say that? So where I left off in the book, the main character discovers Anne Frank living in his attic...yep, please don't be offensive, please don't make light of this too much, please don't be distasteful, I want to enjoy my literature! It's not too much of a time sink though, give me a week (I calculated it). I suppose I could talk about what's next on my radar and I'm sure I'll come to some sort of a conclusion about which one I want to read next but I have two options, Wuthering Heights or A Picture of Dorian Gray, if anyone out there has read any of these, do you recommend? I can't decide what i want next, I lost my card when I was buying Wuthering Heights and had to put it back so I took it as a sign to read it some other time.

Writing - I can write again! I don't think I ever mentioned this in recent times but I've been struggling to write as of recent. I took a break from it but I couldn't get back but now we're Barack, fellas! I'm writing a Scott Pilgrim review, it's turning out really good! I also wanna write more short stories but I am fresh out of ideas... I'm also running short on ideas for reviews, I just haven't had time for anything but I'll squeeze something in I suppose...I need to find more time to relax. It'll come though, patience is a virtue I think.

School - I did the school work that I set out for myself. Maybe I'm causing all of my own problems with constantly being busy because I insisted on working ahead and mark my words, it's gonna help in the long run! That's probably why I don't have time though, I don't have to study business studies before the class even had its first lesson but I did. I had so much work today specifically as well, like Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday, all bearable but today...swamped! I have art tomorrow though which I hate and we're not even at art history yet but I will finally have a chance to study some art and get a head start on that subject. That's tomorrow's Joe though...

Learn - I watched this video by this dude named Moon Channel and he's a lawyer guy who talks about games, don't find law too interesting but this guy's voice is so relaxing, I don't care what you guys say, I love a vocal fry! He's so sweet, I've been watching his videos while I study and I relate to him in some sense, he's always talking about being an older brother, as an amab, we share similar experiences, I recommend the video on why girls love horror for that where he talks about such relatable things for anyone who has a younger sister, like when I was younger, I unintentionally belittled my sister by not being interested in what she was interested in, in recent times, I try to understand the things she enjoys, I can't wrap my head around this Johnnie Guilbert guy she likes but with everything else, I try to take interest. I specifically wanted to mention his video on Christian Games, I didn't even know that was a genre of games. It's very interesting, he speaks about the regional differences of Christianity and the different denominations, I am Christian and I didn't know a lot of what he said, I'm slacking! I gotta get back to Bible study!!! On that Bible grind!!! Which kinda goes against what he says in the video but I'm saying it for the sake of a joke. More on that at the end though...

Socialize - I've been putting a lot of focus on a good friend of mine who is going through some things and I've kind of been neglecting other people both online and offline, mostly offline though, my poor friends have to deal with my callous side but I'm happy to be there to support my one friend even if it means giving some of my other friends the cold shoulder, don't worry, I'll be back, he just really needs me. Not to sound vain, like oh he needs ME and nobody else! But like, he brightened up a lot when I visited him during his mourning period, he's not the type of guy who can fake something either so I know I genuinely made him slightly happier and that makes me happy! On a side note, my sister's friend sent me a picture of her mom, I'm not sure what to do with that, like I have a fat crush on her mom but like what do I do with it...I don't mind it, I'd actually be upset if she deleted it but why? Are there ulterior motives??? Am I being paranoid??? Was she being kind??? I thought she hated that I had a crush on her mom??? Who cares, maybe I'll put it in my wallet, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it...

You've officially made it to the final paragraph where I ramble! Thank you for making it thus far. What shall I speak about today...I've got Christianity on the brain so I might as well talk about that, I'm also scared of losing friends, a lot of queer people have me friended so don't be alarmed by my religion, go to my profile and you'll the they/them and the word twink, don't leave me, guys! I'm a cool Christian! I hate that I have to say that, I've met a lot of Christians who are so homophobic and they'll talk about forgiveness and love but say the most vile things about gay people, I wonder I ever felt shame about my homosexuality...probably has nothing to do with this topic. I an very critical about Christianity or rather other Christians is what I should say, I'm not putting myself above them or anything but I am saying that it's not hard to put your biases aside and accept others, not only that but understand people different to you. I think it's important to have that sort of relationship, that firm confidence in your faith, so unbreakable that you feel comfortable with the idea of queerness or anything different, the moon guy mentions this in his video and that was cool! I'm not saying more people should be like me, if I'm being honest I'm lazy to read the Bible sometimes so don't practice like me but I am saying to be nuanced like me or like I'm trying to be, I'm not perfect, I'm still learning more about everything and different political ideologies and different people but I'm trying, yk? Anyway before this becomes a big political debate, I'll end it here!