1 v. 1

I'm always back to him no matter what happens or what I do he's who I think about. I want him. There I said. I really do want him, but I'm so scared that being with him is like opening up pandoras box... I don't want to stay with mans I don't. He's not the worse but he's not for me. Maybe the reason I want old boy is, because he understood me, he was there for me he really was perfect. I never thought I deserved him, but I want him so bad. Am I in love with him? I don't know. I'm not sure what love is anymore, but I miss him. Mans is someone who scares me. He is someone that I know wouldn't cheat on me and that matters to me, but I'm not happy. I think the last time I really was happy was with old boy, but then I think maybe it's in the moment. What if I let go of mans for something that won't lead to anything. I'm so fucking scared of the unknown that it's controlling me. I want to be with old boy, I think about it all the time and I think everyone can see but I'm scared. What if things fail and mans doesn't take me back? What if I'm happier? That'd be perfect. I love mans, but were nothing alike and he never understands me, he doesn't get what I get. Were too different and that's the problem. The differences lead to arguments which lead to pain. Old boy and me are the same, but he's not completely perfect sometimes he's too in himself, but sometimes I am too. I don't know what to do or who to choose and I wish there was just someone else to tell me what to do.