Admitting difficult things [TW]

This won't be nice to read nor write, but fuvk it. But reader digression is advised.

There are always things that are difficult to admit to yourself, there's nothing around that. So as a briefing I used to be an alcoholic for 3 years between 7th and 9th grade, using alcohol to function on a daily basis mainly in school and social situations. 

About 3-4 years later after fighting myself out of alcoholism (taking about 6 months) am now having to admit to myself that I am a drunk. Drinking almost on the daily not because needing to function, but to be drunk. And to me that is worse than being an alcoholic. I for about 4 months disguised and convinced myself my need to be completely shitfaced and difficulty to stop drinking as being just a starting alcoholic once again, just to stop my thoughts of being a drunk. 

I know this text might be difficult to read/understand due to me being drunk. I really just needed to write this out for now because I don't really know/have anyone to talk to about this.