tw

i am so sad and i feel like i rotted. i cant feel happy on my own anymore, i just rely on the happiness of people around me. i feel like maybe i am doing too much with loving my boyfriend, i dont want him to feel overwhelmed and leave me. we have been together 4 months. i feel safer with him than i do with my own mother. just today, i was threatened to be taken out of school. for what??? a few Bs and a C and grades like that during my first sem. i feel so sensitive to everything. it's so sad that the only place i feel safe is when im not in my own home. it's sad that i dont have a normal relationship with my mom. it's sad that i feel this sad. i blame myself for everything, and even i know that it's wrong. some things arent my fault. but that's how it feels. i punish myself and it is okay. 

i hope i make it to one year sober from sh

my date is jan 21. 

better luck tomorrow aisakat

i love you if no one else will

-past aisakat