the lowest hanging fruit of the group

I'm finding it really hard not to be a dramatic little kid anymore. Anytime anyone jokingly insults me I just want to run away like when I was 7 or something. I'm more than double her age now, I should've grown thicker skin by now, but I think something lagged for 2 years because I feel like everyone around me is way more mature. Maybe it was sitting in my room during the pandemic and not talking to anyone. But they went through the same.

The insults always feel more honest than the compliments. Humour is used to make things easier, I just think they're having a hard time actually saying what they think of me so they create a joke around it. I just wish they were honest with me if there's anything undesirable about me, but saying that out loud makes me an insecure pick-me, so I don't even know what to do anymore. Even if I joke back about it they just go quiet as if I understood what they were trying to signal to eachother. I'm long past finding out, you don't have to hide your distain towards me in dogwhistles. Just leave me alone instead of keeping me around like a dog on a leash.