ohhhhhkayyyyyyy... *Breathes*

aghhh... new years huh. mm. gotta love it...  Another year of this beautiful life. (Turning around my sour attitude is another part of this new year. Resolution. etc.)

i am doing okay. my mental state has middled out i think. not too good not too bad. struggling quite a bit with self control and lethargy. just kinda depressed and wanna sleep. but i'm working on it.

i hate to brave the cold glum months of january but i suppose 9 days have already come and gone, it's not so bad... it's finally getting cold out. i cant wait to freeze my lips off on my hyper-chilled glass pipe outside and then have it explode when i try to light it. Is that possible...? i shouldn't scare myself.

in terms of body care, i'm doing better. drinking water more consistently, eating better, exercising (sorta.)... but it's hard not being a stonar. it brings me some comfort at the end of the day... things are kind of rough in the world so. Brother we all need to cope.

i've been a bit more social, though. talking to others and trying to keep up... messaging is really hard! its easier to let myself shine when i can be in front of you and im forced... but online its like. oh right... i have to reply. not every interaction is basically an interview. I am Ment'ly ill.

also my body has aged. i think once i turned 25 i withered a little... Ugh... I should be at "the club"....! whatever that is! alas. tis naught to be. i club alone...

oh, one thing, i got a haircut recently and it has improved my mood so much. its crazy. my hair getting longer is like a depression meter. i just love the feeling of it and its Gender Reaffirming despite me being basically sexless. Love that!! i really look like a cis guy lately... but i don't sound like one i dont think. or maybe i just sound like a fag?? idk. no ones said anything but i get looks. wore nail polish out in public and people gave me some big eyes. That's alabama...

i've got big plans finally this year. my boyfriend may be moving in with me temporarily until we find our own place. This is hyooge... hopefully it comes true. then we'll get jobs and work our way outta all this... turn into great birds and fly away etc

hmm. what else? i want to learn to rollerblade (or skate)! thats another resolution. a childhood dream i can realize... it will teach me patience and fearlessness... and give me a way to exercise that i like. yahoo! i can do anything i want to... i must remember this for it has been mentally beaten out of me. Sorry for being eeyore i'm just being honest man. Lea me a lone. or speak to me. lets kiss

i cant keep typing my back hurts. i need to lay back and draw. Byeee