Slip_moth's Neverending Descent Into Madness...(oh! And i went on a picnic)

I went on a picnic today. I had to go with to supervise, or some would use the word chaperone instead so let's just say I was The Chaperone once more. This was mostly to make sure my sister wasn't doing anything irresponsible or something that she'd regret but at the same time, I had fun. Like it was a fun picnic and I'm glad that my sister is friends with good people who are queer in some way, shape or form because I mean look at me (I'm listening to One of Your Girls by Troye Sivan and as I typed look at me, he said "look at you" eerie, right?) I never grew up with queer friends and I'm a mess, I use that damn Troye Sivan song as a placeholder and I have to hide my queerness and there's this constant shame about queer stuff for me, I felt shameful for tucking my shirt in, I don't need to say but there's nothing wrong with being gay or anything like that and you shouldn't be shameful about it and I believe this wholeheartedly unless I'm talking about myself. I'm just saying, it's important that my sister is proud of her sexuality so it's good that she has friends that she can talk about this stuff with. 

Damn, I'm literally writing lime Ishmael in Moby Dick! He'd be telling this thrilling story about a Whale hunt and then all of a sudden he'd go on a tangent. Let's not do that too often. Yeah, I was saying that it's good that my sister has these friends and some of them are my age so I do try to converse with them from time to time if there's like a spot in the convo for me to jump in to. I also micromanage these events, if my sister wants me to chaperone then i need a time and place, who's gonna be there because I need to introduce myself to their parents, what pronouns do they use, can I use those pronouns around their parents, do they all have lifts to and fro, where are we meeting??? I make sure to ask all these questions and this time she was being really obtuse for some reason, so I went in blind. 

I brought a book with me though which is kind of terrible etiquette but I was way off schedule and I needed to read more Moby Dick, listen I gotta finish this book by a certain date. Anyway, it was me and my sister and her friend and we waited so I started reading. I'll tell you the total amount of chapters I read on this picnic, 10 chapters. Also, we all know that I love reading books in the most unconventional places, I'd travel to the beach just to read Moby Dick and I have done that (unsuccessfully). I thought it would be aesthetic to read on a picnic and it kind of was, I was interrupted by my sister's friend constantly, this one specific friend. She'd be like "cmon! Don't sit there and be so lonely" that's nice but atleast let me finish the chapter yk? 

In total, I think there were like 8 people there, obviously I greeted and go to know the people that I didn't know, it would be rude if I didn't and these people are nice. I'm just so, I don't know, I'm a writer and I don't know the correct term. I always expect the worst of social gatherings but no, these are wayyyyy better than what I was expecting.

I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret...you wanna know why I'm always acting like I'm in a Shakespeare play, it's because he writes these stories of betrayal and tragedy: Julius Caesar, Othello, Macbeth and of course Hamlet but I like that for other reasons, betrayal isn't a big theme in that or atleast not as big some of the other plays that I mentioned. Anyway, I'm always expecting the worst of these gatherings because I feel like I'm the center of one big conspiracy, that sounds narcissistic and I don't know if it is but I feel like everyone in my life is gonna turn on me and that's scary, I met someone on this site who wrote a bulletin about the exact same thing and it's like same wavelength, except I have to think I'm in a Shakespeare play but it helps. Let's get sidetracked for just a minute, I'm giving good advice here. So, if you ever feel like this, like what I just described, everyone is pretending to like you and will turn on you, think of your life like a Shakespeare play, when I have these feelings, I pretend I'm Hamlet and it makes me feel better for some reason. I might actually be insane and delusional but whatever helps, helps. 

Anyway, sometimes you speak to someone and these feelings subside because it's like this person genuinely wants to get to me, yk? A lot of the people there felt like that, this one girl, I forgot how to spell her name, sorry, she was like all enthusiastic and asking questions and engaging me in conversation, I'm saying for once I didn't feel like people were gonna betray me. Whoa! That's why I can't get close to people, anyway that's a conversation for another day...

My stomach was aching today though, I was so bloated and I'm very skinny, I've mentioned that I look healthy even though I eat poorly so when I told my sister that I was so bloated she pointed at my stomach and scoffed and said "you call that bloated!?" But bloated is a feeling, right? I'm not wrong on that, it's like a terrible feeling and I didn't even eat that much, believe me, I abstained from the junk food. This one girl offered me blueberries and I didn't eat any, maybe I should've, I'm an idiot sometimes. 

We went home after a while and it was nice, we still had other things to do like buy a gift for my cousin, I couldn't find her that world's 2nd best lawyer mug in time but alas, we got her something. That's not too eventful, the shopping trip was actually really disappointing, one of my moots on here recommended me to read Fight Club because I love the movie so much and I saw it in this bookstore but I just couldn't find it, I think someone bought it before I did and I budgeted for it, I have the money! 

Today was actually kind of fun, I just kind of wanted to speak about the picnic because picnics are so fun, they're so fun, we don't do them enough. You! Yes, you reading this! Get off your computer or phone or whatever and go invite your friends on a picnic! Yes, right now! I also kind of wanted to vent, I was thinking about all these thoughts for the past couple of nights, they keep me up and it was nice to not feel like that once in a while. I am not kidding or exaggerating when I say I'm paranoid, too much classic literature, I need to read something where the characters are sane. That's it for today, I don't know if I'm going to post tomorrow, we'll see!