love (another vent)

I want to be loved but I'll never get to and that's okay. am I okay with it? no but I've come to accept it

what I havent come to accept is how I can't have anything for myself. I had this one boy I really liked and I really thought he was the one. I'd always comfort him when he needed me, we'd buy each other snacks and drinks, we'd hold hands, hug and cuddle no matter who was watching, he'd listen to me talk about my interests and seemed genuinely invested when I did. I've never told anyone this before, but I genuinely loved him. 

and she knew how much I loved him. and she knew he was the first boy I'd ever felt so strongly about, but she just HAD to have him, even though she barely knew him for three months. I know he's not an object and I'm not entitled to him, and i genuinely hope he's happy with her, but it's just not fair. why couldn't she let me be happy for once? why'd she have to go and take the one boy I genuinely loved? she did it with all my friends too. as soon as I introduced them to her, she'd become their best friend and I was just some guy they shared classes with. 

i wish I was loveable