suicide

fuck it im doing it rn. that sounds bad w/out context so if u need it read my post before this pls. but the next time u made me want to be dead was the first couple of days in november. we had just gone trick or treating tg, i hated every moment of that, just bc u were with all ur friends, and i’m just not social and u didn’t talk to me so it was so awkward. and i remember u telling ppl we were only friends after that. broke my heart. we talked abt it that night. i hated myself. u made me hate me. so i got drunk. and the night after that was the worst. we were still on terrible terms, so again i was drinking but this time i decided to take over 50mg of melatonin w it. u were so mad when i told u. u made me feel so dumb. which it was. but to me it was the only way to not feel all the pain i was going through. i really wanted to die that night, i wish i had some strong pills w me that night. even now i wish that. i’ve been so down and depressed lately. and the way u made me feel from that time on was even worse. bc that was when we rlly just gave up, u gave up on me. i wish i had given up on me too. i want to give up now. i hate my life. i feel like all my friends don’t rlly give a shit abt me. i feel so secluded and alone now. it’s rlly the only reason i talk on here. i don’t say anything to anyone now. u made me feel safe a secure. now i’m scared to say the wrong thing to ppl so i don’t say anything at all. i hope ur happy trinity.