that night

the night we first ended things was the hardest night of my life. i remember asking u what we were while at work, i only asked bc i could feel us being distant and weird. and i remember calling noah the night before and he said that he asked u and u said u didn’t know what u wanted. it broke me. and u had no clue. so i finally has the courage to ask u. and i could recall everything u said to me, word for word. it’s in my notes. as soon as i got home, hell even before driving home i broke down and cried. and i haven’t cried like that ever, i was so depressed. i told u want i wanted u to do what u thought was best for u and i was going to support u no matter what. i lied, i wanted to be w u so badly. we didn’t speak for hours after that. until i text u. i couldn’t get out of bed that night, i was in so much pain, my stomach quite literally felt empty, like there was a hole in there, my eyes were so puffed and red aswell. and i remember texting u and just saying hi, u text back. and we slowly started talking again, about how we both felt terrible abt everything, u comforted me so well that night, and i tried my best to do the same. i felt so loved by u that night. and at the same time, so heartbroken and betrayed. i was at such a low. i don’t believe in god but i thank whoever’s up there so much for u and the fact that we kept going after that. i’ll write the second time either tn or sometime later lol; rlly just as some context for my readers