15 | new beginnings

I promise this will be coherent.

Now that school is officially over, I can focus on Korea. I really want to enjoy this trip. As I'm preparing for the trip, I can't help but think about all the fun things I will do, and all the people I will meet. There are so many things to look forward to and there will be so many firsts. 

I just get this feeling of nervousness mixed with excitement. This isn't your typical long-term travel trip. I'm studying at the top university in South Korea. I'm taking classes and doing presentations at an institution akin to Harvard. Very scary.

I sound dramatic but this really is a lot to take in at once. What If I panic? I'm pretty good at acting calm when I'm really anxious but the more I hold it in, the more it builds up and I end up breaking down. I don't sob when that happens, but I shake like a kitten with hypothermia. Very hard to hide...

The thing I'm most looking forward to is being in a place with people from all over the world, not just from South Korea. Seoul has many travelers and I really want to get to know them and hear about other people's lives. I'm not going to fit in with the domestic crowd much (I'm a 182cm African girl, they won't fuck with me that much) so I want to hang out in traveler bars. 

The person that I'm going with may not want me to go out and do things that college kids do. She often brings up that fact that she's small and everything is dangerous for her. She often pushes the narrative that I can't possibly be assaulted by anyone because I'm not a small white girl like her. It pissed me off really. Since she believes that, it will be my excuse to go out at night alone since "tall black people aren't victims." This narrative was already embedded in my head, hence why I take 3am walks in the middle of KKK/Naz1-ridden Indiana - because I won't ever be a victim. IDK why i'm still friends with her.

Anyways, all of that is to say that I will be going out at night and nobody will stop me. I don't care. If I die there then at least I'll be dead in South Korea and not CornShit, Indiana.

I will do many things. If any of you are in Korea around Feb-June, let me know! (19+ only) :)