isaac (19/12)

I'm writing this bc I'm sure you won't ever read this, but I do deep down hope you somehow find it, bc there is no point on telling you how I feel now. 

I've been having this feeling of emptiness ever since you left. my new friends are great, they know how to communicate, and they treat me as i deserve; but they're not you. I guess I was already used to you. I feel like we connected in a very personal level, we three were the same person.

the other day, I heard you refered to me as your best friend. it honestly broke my heart.

sometimes I think about this perfect you that I miss so much. sometimes I think about this horrible you that I recent. and I truly hope we can be friends again, just not rn.

from time to time I'm scared that I made a mistake distancing myself. I want to write to you, apologize, and make everything as it was before. sometimes I think I overreacted and it was not such a big deal, and I feel so dumb for letting someone as important as you leave my life. 

lately I've been thinking so much of you. "he'd like this song/artist" "he'd like this drawing I made". but I just can't show you bc now you're gone.

I miss being myself around you.

it never felt wrong or awkward.

I was so comfy all the time.

but now it's all gone and I can only keep the memories. 

I'll just sit here and hope to feel better sometime soon.