options

it’s me again. ik ur never gonna see this so im glad i can speak my mind on whatever i want to. but u also will never be able to respond to all the questions i have which sucks. but i’ll be okay; at least i hope. i’ve been going through a lot recently and i want u to be proud of me for what i’ve overcame bc of u. but i still just can’t help but wonder if i was just an option for u. did u ever want me as much as i needed u? u said u were in the heat of the moment. but for months? i don’t believe that whatsoever. but i can’t rlly be mad at u for this. we weren’t technically official. but in my head u were everything to me. and maybe that’s bc it was all in my head; i feel like im in there a lot, in my head. but i feel like even if we tried and talked things out, that no matter what i could’ve done nothing would’ve changed, and it tears me apart everyday. bc i loved u. and it might be bc im codependent, which rlly, is a terrible thing to be bc i don’t need u, i can function perfectly w/out u in my life, but when ur here i need u, and then when u leave i’m empty. and i’ve been empty. as u can tell it’s almost been a month w zero contact and i still haven’t gotten better. 

the life as ur option.