001

thanks for the kudos on my last post. i appreciate the support. i still feel exactly the same as last time except with a side of extra self hatred. i just really really fucking hate myself. i don’t know how people could stand me at all. i hate how i put my friend through my emotions. they always say that it’s ok to talk to them about how i feel but deep inside i worry i’m manipulating them. that i am hurting them somehow. because there just has to be someway that i have to be a horrible person. the only way i thought i could redeem myself is by keeping it all hidden and distancing myself from people but i feel like i’m going to break. as you can see i failed on my promise to subject people to my suffering. it’s pathetic really. it’s just starting to hurt so bad that i can’t keep it in anymore. but i feel like i am hurting everyone who comes across the state that i am in. so i just want to say to any on lookers… somehow. someway. i always make it through. no matter how much i cry out i somehow manage to live by a thread. it’s hard but i always make it somehow. but for now it feels like i cut that thread off and i’m falling. i’m sorry.