the ".." entry

"im aiming to get a thigh gap" yeah no shit, i was like around 76 ish kilos back then.

now im like 68 ish, most of my clothes fall off my waist and land on my hips.

i kinda wanna kill my past self for not eating since it made me gain weight like crazy and i had to exercise a lot more than usual to get in the shape i wanted, now i have somewhat of a gap but not much since i still weigh like 60+kilos and stand at like 1,60-1,59 cm tall, 

im much better now, just a little down bcs he is leaving but not too bad aside from the daily crying and missing him but dw, im going on vacation in a couple weeks now with my friends so hopefully it will help me get my mind off of things and help me find someone my age who respects my " ask before you touch" boundry (i got sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend when i was 11 so now im very uncomfortable with people touching me, specifically men bcs of other similar experiences.)

i hope to find a good guy who respects me and is a little taller than me, my standarts arent too high are they? 

. tall (1,70-1,80) 

. somewhat chubby/buff (basically just bigger than me, i dont like skinny guys) 

. my age or a year older than me max (yes i have a crush on a guy twice my age but i dont plan on dating him or doing anithing other than confesing to him lol)

. nice and respectful

. is actually a somewhat decent boyfriend.

idk i feel like they are, im not ugly (i have been told) but im not the prettiest either, my friends are, i love them but im kinda scared to be seen with them, they outshine me in every way and i just cant keep up. 

i want to look like them.