11/12/23 Double cig

On the train I was feeling a bit better than other days. Got to school, everything was open so I set the tables and worked on my linocut work. Yesterday I didn't complete it cus I was in star wars marathon mode, so. 

I could also use the profs tool which are more precise and helped a bit.

First to get in is one of the first graders. Followed by Purple half a minute later. I can't go to the sea today. I have to finish this work. And so I continue. More arrive. 15 mins til class, I go sit on the stairs in front of the entrance of the classroom, outside, and light up a cigarette. Why is making these bitches lit is way harder than movies make it look. 

My cig is basically over when I see Berry. Fuck. Ugh. I smoke it slower, burn it short short. He says hi when passing me and it takes an effort to not immediately answer "fuck off" and I just want my brain to stop. Just stop. I feel like hitting my head on a wall. 

My cigarette ends and so I get back in and put in my earphones. Another Monday of my classmates using the Bluetooth speaker for the most annoying things. Amazing. Shit is so loud I can still hear it with my earphones at full volume.

I need noise cancelling.

Why did he said hi and in a happy voice. Fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off.

I need brain cancelling.

They are so obnoxious and annoying. But I continue my work and manage to finish it.

I can print the first color. In the printing room everyone else has finished so I'm alone, nice. But then Berry apparently has something to print every.fucking.time. 

At some point I leave some stuff in the print machine "uhh do you have to print more" fuck do you think? I shake my head in a yes. 

"Well.. do you have to right now?" I want to put his face in the machine. His fucking tone I cannot fucking bear it I'm gonna go insane. 

I sight and take the paper out of it. "Thankss" I'm so close to make him drink the oil we use to clean the tools.

I manage to get my prints done, at least the first parts and I'm running late so when I finish cleaning my stuff everyone else is already out of the class. Silence. How rare in this room.

Peaceful and quiet. Finally. I finish cleaning up and oh. In the next classroom there's some other unidentified people in my usual desk. That's. So. Fun. So I have to sit beside one of my classmate, a random guy that maybe I've mentioned before but he's so background noise that I won't make a nickname for him. 

I have the time to smoke another cig at the sea, looking at the death of the sunset and then go quick back in. 

I don't have my watercolor class this week so I smoke Thursday's cig today.

I want my seat back, ugh. The final reviews for the monthly assignment starts. And they go on and on and I have to fucking get out of here in 10 minutes, I'm either next or next I literally don't have time. And luckily I'm next.  

And the prof likes the work. I was going insane these past few days trying to figure out what I had to change and I get to a point when I just stare at it, do a change, undo it, redo it, undo it over and over and I'm never satisfied and the only option to get out of the loop is throwing my computer from the window. As you can imagine, not the best option.

He liked it, good, until a few months I want to forget about it.

The bus is late. Because of course it is. Outside the train station a guys asks me for infos on location, cus he had to take a specific bus n a text he had said it was in "***** square* and for some fucking reason I suddenly forget the fucking square like it's not literally behind me and I'm like "it? Should be here I think? What does Google maps say" IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU FOR INFOS DONT YOU THINK THEY TRIED GOOGLE MAPS. STUPID STUPID STUPID. Anyway I'm like ya the busses stop around here but I don't know ab that line specific, try check if the signs shows the numbers.

Basically I am in no way helpful and he thanks me anyway and I'm a fucking idiot and I go my way hoping for a car to take me to hell right this instant.

Another guy on the train asks for the adapter to charge his phone so I give him mine cus a dead phone is a scary thing to me and why everyone is asking me for stuff today. What's going on. 

And that's ab it. 

I'm still obsessed with Diego Luna btw.

A ghost writing from its grave, signing off.