Breakups

Yesterday my gf and I decided to break up. More like she decided for the better of us. I already saw it coming but I hated that it came so fast. And I feel like it’s my fault. Before the break up, we were on a break that lasted 4 days. I feel like if I NEVER suggested the break, we’d still be together. But I did, and now she’s gone. For 8 months I loved her like crazy. She was my whole entire world, she still is. And it hurts because it was bound to happen. Her parents were too homophobic, they hated me, and her mom’s racist. But I was willing to ignore all of that, and I did. But when she told me that nothing was going to change, I nearly died. She told me that I deserve someone who can always be there. Someone who can love me the way I deserve. And I understood what she meant but she was all I wanted. She very much still is. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have her roses on my wall, photos of us together, her guitar pick, her teacup she made me, everything. Whenever I couldn’t sleep, I would call her. Whenever I was bored, I’d call her. We slept on call together, we got ready for school together. I am fighting the urge to text her and beg for another chance, but it’s not worth it. I don’t know how I’m going to handle her being gone. 11 months is the total amount of time I knew her (we dated for 8), I can’t just let her go. I can’t even delete the photos of us off my phone. I can’t help but think it’s my fault we ended like this. But if we are meant to be, she will come back to me. And I’m praying she will. We very much still love each other, so this can’t be the end