12/09/23

Gloucester vengeance/ train of thought

At 4:30, I'll be gone. So then you can rejoice. I'll be back before you awake, and you’ll be gone before my five consecutive alarms go off at eight. Then you’ll mysteriously reappear at 2. With Chipotle, none for me. My stomach will be growling but I won’t get up because I don’t want you to see me with the covers off. Then you’ll leave again with nothing but a board and a granola bar. I’ll stare at the bag of Chipotle and wonder if you ever noticed I ate your kimchi. I’ll roll around in bed for the longest time. Just looking at the window, dreaming of a nap. I close my eyes and dream of a strong woman holding every part of me. I want her to kiss my cheeks and touch my hips and sides. I want to be cradled. And now you’re back again. I pretend I'm doing important work, but really I’m staring at the screen and wishing I could be alone so I could dream of the strong woman. I just want to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep. Maybe you would think I'm doing things under there. So I won't. I know I don’t look very pretty right now. I screwed up my hair with the razor and my face is bloated in places where it shouldn’t be. I’ve been having this nagging fear that something is wrong with me for a while now. The Chipotle is just sitting there uneaten. The room is so quiet. Something could be dearly wrong. Where are the single women; good god. Why can’t I just get a hickey or something. I think I would evaporate on the spot. It’s been so long. I never thought I'd be this desperate for sex.