i carved out a place in this world for two / but it's empty without you

i got all this love i've got to keep to myself / all this effort to make it look effortless...

i'm swamped and crushed in more ways than i care to count. i was complaining earlier about the crushing societal expectation of monogamy in the western world and it will unfortunately probably ring true for a long time into the future. when i said i have two hands, i didn't mean you had to fill them, especially not like this.

it would lighten the load if i could only show Him what i'm making. i write love songs about writing love songs. i write about Him eventually getting me. i write about being second best, as always. i'm not sure G-d will ever let me be in a healthy romantic relationship, but He, my Man, makes me want to try. He makes me want to not screw things up this time.

i've been feeling lonely without Him. knowing i can't show Him yet has been the source of so much of my loneliness lately. (besides the insufferable apathy of human ignorance. seriously, the amount of bystander apathy on full display in my life kills me. you need to step in. anybody means you.) sometimes i forget how lonely i can get, which is good, i guess. i miss Him.