W rizz actually

my last blog entry was about a guy i like at school and how sad i am blah blah blah. Well, heres the update.

I asked him to be my firend and he agreed! we talked for like 2 minutes about school and life, then we talked over text, only little bit though. i think he likes me so far. i've been a bit nervous texting him and seeing him at school, but i think its only natural. even through that, i feel a sense of calm within me.

right now im sitting on the floor at school, listening to mitski. my classmates probably think im working with all my typing lol. i feel like this is a good moment, i just had a presentation and the adrenalin is still in me. I invited the guy to have lunch with me, i hope he shows up. 

i dont like having crushes and things like that, i feel as if im not in controll of my own emotions and thoughts, and that scares me. 

Whenever i see him i get so filled with so much adrenline all at once i turn numb. nit emotionally, its my body. I lose feeling in my legs and hands. My tunge sits heavy in my mouth and it hard to speak. my heart pounds cramped in my chest and its hard to breathe. my throat goes dry and theres way to much spit in my mouth. i feel as if i have to vomit.

hope he dosent think im weird and off-putting!