What's up

Well, for me, nothing much.

Life is still the same for me since last blog, but I've since quit uni. It is what it is.

There came a point where I had to accept that I didn't want to aspire towards certain things in life, and that living to chase an aspiration that I didn't even think hard enough about isn't worth it. For me, I accepted that I didn't actually want the degree I was working towards, and that I need to focus on myself before randomly deciding what to work towards.

As of late, I've been jobsearching. Shit's tough, things are bad. Transitioning is expensive, and I haven't started anything medical yet due to not having an income. I'm at least thankful to still live with a family member who understands and supports me.

Most of what I do at this juncture in my life is reflect on things. How I've ended up not building close enough friendships, where many have faded away or never even formed (I don't even keep in contact with my uni classmates); how I've only now realised very important things regarding being autistic, and the lack of their knowledge (both on others' and my end) causes problems in communication; and even very sad realities of my past that I have to grapple with.

During this time, I've picked up a new hobby, which is the first time in a while that I've actually had a clear hobby that I can successfully practice. Fighting games. The FGC, while it has its toxic moments, seems to be far more disciplined in that regard in comparison to other parts of competitive gaming. I've even noticed that certain communities are very Queer-friendly and outwardly positive - ergo, if someone beats your in-game ass, they'll be perfectly fine to give you notes to take.

I intend to start going to my locals more, and even some regionals, as I've really enjoyed playing and feel like I'm able to learn enough to play in tournaments - both in the sense that I've learnt just a bit enough, but also that I'll learn from playing them (an 0-2 run is saved by a notebook, after all). I have no idea how things will go, and no clear expectations, but I at least hope to meet cool people and make friends on that journey.