tired

I'm posting from the bathroom today

I'm talking about the people in my life, those who I enjoy and those who I don't.

starting by most important: my boyfriend.

he's everything a man should be. he's kind, generous, loving and hilarious. sometimes my brain gets the best of me and doesn't understand his type of humor, but I always get it in the end (always=maybe 1or2 times ever). we're both carefree, introverts who are two very different sides of the very same coin.

I have a ring for him. and he's found it, but I don't think that's changed his opinions at all. he's just asked me to wait for a bit.

I've been with him for 2 years, we started dating in highschool. 

he's got black hair that he lets me dye, it's regularly a blond, I don't know why he lets me dye it. it makes me happy. his name's Dustin. he has a nail biting problem, and smells like baby powder sometimes.

my sister's next.

shes my favorite person in the world. she was basically my mom for 95% of my childhood, and even now in my adulthood, she's still been a caretaker for me. just in new ways. she's been with her boyfriend for almost 6 years I think. they're the model relationship. they're so happy together, and constantly motivate one another. it's so refreshing to see.

were both kids of divorce, we both struggled so much to love each other as kids, but we did it. we made it at some point.

she has dark brown hair, it goes past her belly button now. she never let it get that long before .its awesome. she makes me want to grow my hair out. she was a Tumblr user when it was cool.

my dad

he's so human. I think that's the best compliment I can give him. he's loved so much in his time on earth. it hurts me to think of the pain some of the things I've said to him have caused him. I was just a kid, and so was he. I never felt close with him, even now I struggle, but that's also my fault. I never felt close with anyone when I was a kid.

he's an ex Mormon, rollerblading king who has a knack for good punk music. he's been my inspiration for learning about music as much as I am. 

he deserves to be loved as much as he loves.

my mom

haven't spoken to her in about 3 months. we see each other at gatherings, I avoid conversations with her. she was a kid when she had my sister, and she was just a blossoming adult when she had me. we were two years apart, but still, my mom was just a kid. she tried her best, maybe. I like to think so. 

she was an awful human to my dad.

she has a nail biting problem, loves cats, and I love her.

she does not love me though, not enough to change.

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zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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anxiety over letting myself have nights alone, knowing I'll sleep better with my boyfriend, but also knowing I'd end up keeping him awake. I hate stepping on THIS knife.

I love him, he loves me, I still stress about him being upset with me or by my actions, I am always stressed.

work today was nice, two friends came in, both very kind. I don't really like the other one, the guy, cause he's just not a good person, he has flaws that I would never appreciate in a friend.

I have nothing else to say