Love

I don't know 

I don't understand 

Why do I feel like second place 

Why do I feel like my emotions or how I feel isn't important to them

Why is it when I want to do something with them or I have something special to me going on and I want to have them with me they only blame work

Why does it feel like they dont even try to see if they can make time for me 

I don't know how'd they feel if I just canceled plans on them because I don't 

I know how important and special it can feel when someone you like makes time for you 

So why is it when I tell them even weeks ahead I have something special that it would mean so much to me if they came do I get the "we'll see" treatment 

It's important to me. I'm gonna be alone. I don't want to be alone.

Everyone around me is gonna have their own people to talk to 

Gonna have fun

Dance 

Eat

Play game 

But I'm gonna be alone 

I'm gonna have no one 

It's a special day, for my dad yet I'm gonna have no one 

Even my sister is gonna have her own boyfriend with her 

When my dad died people came over to the rehab home, talked about how they all called off work so they could comfort my mother and sister.

But I had no one

I'm truly alone 

I really don't have anyone 

I thought I had someone but 

I'm back to stage one

Where I'm alone 

Where I sit on my room alone having to cry to myself because I have no one to call to comfort me 

Because I have no one who will hold me closely when I start sobbing 

Not even my own sister 

I'll comfort my mother and sister

I'll hold them close and hug them

But they won't do the same for me 

I hate being alone

I hate feeling unloved 

I hate it 

I just want to die because of it 

Like what's the point if each day I'm going to keep going down into a mad world 

Into a world where I have nobody. A world where I can walk by so many people who I'd think I'd be good friends with but I'm too scared to talk to 

For them to think I'm weird 

What's my issue what my problem 

I just want to have someone hold me awhile I cry

Have someone not tell me I'm a horrible person or yell if a cut or if they see my scars and when they do they say even with them I'm still beautiful 

Why is it so hard

Why is it so hard to ask for