BPD is so fucking horrible

I hate having BPD it makes me wish I was dead every single day because I'll be fine, then I'll feel empty and then I'll just feel anger and everything is ruined and my entire body feels like it's on fire and I have a headache and I want to smash everything around me and destroy everything. It makes me want everything and everyone to just die and everything be gone but then. I don't even know my head hurts so much I can't think straight I can't think about anything else other than how I hate everything and everyone. How I think everyone hates me. How I am fucking disgusting in every way shape and form. Me wanting myself dead and everything just hurts me . My head hurts to bad I can barely see my screen while typing this because I'm crying so violently.