depression

over the last few years I have struggled with my mental health. It has affected me in many aspects of my life, from school to friendships. I always thought I was being dramatic, until I was diagnosed with depression. 

I have been cursed. Depression is not 'cool' and I'm sick of it being idolised on social media by children and teens who just want to fit in. Because of my age I cannot be treated with meds, instead I'm forced to wait for therapy in hopes that it will 'fix' me. 

The sad part about all of this is that I'm not sure if I want to be fixed, the unstableness of my emotions has been apart of me for so long that without it I don't know who I am.

I sometimes wonder how life would be if I was happy. No mental disorders or anything like that. Would I be a different person? 

If I got better I would feel like an imposter.

Not like any of that matters, because I doubt I'll ever get better. It's just one of those things that stick with you forever.