Get out of bed (you won't do it)

This is a writing piece I wrote ages ago, I want to keep a blog of all my writing so I thought here would be best

CW/ Themes of Depression and SH

Please lmk if you like it by commenting or leaving kudos <3

The mornings are always the worst part of the day. The tangled hair and mangled bed sheets can only provide so much comfort until you are unwillingly pulled out by the anxiety to do something with your life. In the morning, I see the worst of my dreams, sudden flashbacks until they fade into the lost items part of my mind. New anxieties take over from the dream state, ones that are so terrifying because they are tangible and are about the people around me. 

I hate being in bed, but when I leave, I miss the comfort of the warm sheets and the soft pillows. I once again wish for the nightmares, because at least they aren’t veridical. At least in my dreams, I have some level of control, some mobility, I am the creator and destroyer of myself in some sick and twisted way. I create these elaborate worlds to only do me permanent damage. These worlds can be fantastical and hazy, but in the blink of an eye, these pink fluffy clouds turn into a swirling tempest and shadow figures that steal my broken soul.

I wish to escape to the land of my nightmares, because the only damage they can do isn’t physical. They can’t tear the nails from my fingers, they can’t bite my lip until it bleeds, they can’t cause cuts and bruises on my dainty flesh. The psychological torture dreams provide can only be measured by a professional, but if I trap myself in the dreamscape, I will never have to face the damage it causes. It will be constant, and this constant pain is better than uncontrollable periodic pain I encounter in my mundane life. I wish to escape to the land of my nightmares to experience the constant torture my mind concocts as that is what I crave and deserve.