when the going gets tough

hi friends ;3

 been a while since i last blogged about my life. i'm not gonna lie i keep forgetting that spacehey exists, but then sometimes i remember that i want to keep blogging, but then i forget again LMAO

i recently just got my first car, which i'm so incredibly grateful for. i also have an interview on sunday for a new job, cuz tbh i SUCK at keeping a job. sorry that i get bored doing the same fucking thing literally always. i just need something new literally i am JUST a girl. 

i'm trying not to stress myself out job searching,, but I hate being unemployed. also hate being employed. bvut then i'm just being paid for my suffering LMFAOO. anyways, i'm trying my best to practice this whole 'out-of-sight-out-of-mind' thing, when it comes to my past. my old friendships. but my dad told me that suppressing that feeling really wont do me any good so i've been writing about it, talking about it with friends, and now i'm blogging. i just try to remind myself that sometimes friends grow apart & that is okay. sometimes it doesn't feel fair. for that to happen. i also thought we were like true real friends, but it's just so frustrating being in a friendship where someone is in secret competition with you the entire time. like girl can we just be good friends. can we appreciate our similarities AND our differences? and most importantly could we let two beautiful things co-exist? it hurts. because i held so much sisterly love for her, just to be let down in some ways. it's been so long since we've stopped being close, like, april? i think. of 2023. 

so with this feeling, i tend to weigh myself down at times. i dont want this to consume me. luckily i have a handful of supporting friends like chai, mary, caylee, & bridget. these are my rocks. i also just want to take a moment to appreciate the things in my life that make it so good. with the world falling apart around us, sometimes i also feel guilty for enjoying my life. a lot of people are not guaranteed a tomorrow. and it's so heartbreaking. i just wish the world was a gentle fucking place.

i hope to blog a little more & more. 

have a good night friendss 

- V