Talking about a Jewish Wedding 2

Increasingly, it is common in liberal or progressive Jewish communities (especially Reform, Reconstructionist, or Humanistic) to modify this custom for the sake of egalitarianism, or for a same-gender couple. One adaptation of this tradition is for the bride to circle the groom three times, then for the groom to circle his bride three times, and then for each to circle each other (as in a do-si-do). The symbolism of the circling has been reinterpreted to signify the centrality of one spouse to the other, or to represent the four imahot (matriarchs) and three avot (patriarchs).

Presentation of the ring (Betrothal)

In traditional weddings, two blessings are recited before the betrothal; a blessing over wine, and the betrothal blessing, which is specified in the Talmud. The wine is then tasted by the couple.

Rings are not actually required; they are simply the most common way (since the Middle Ages) of fulfilling the bride price requirement. The bride price (or ring) must have a monetary value no less than a single prutah (the smallest denomination of currency used during the Talmudic era). The low value is to ensure that there are no financial barriers to access marriage.

According to Jewish law, the ring must be composed of solid metal (gold or silver are preferred; alloys are discouraged), with no jewel inlays or gem settings, so that it's easy to ascertain the ring's value. Others ascribe a more symbolic meaning, saying that the ring represents the ideal of purity and honesty in a relationship. However, it's quite common for Jewish couples (especially those who are not Orthodox) to use weddings rings with engraving, metallic embellishments, or to go a step further and use gemstone settings. Some Orthodox couples will use a simple gold or silver band during the ceremony to fulfill the halachic obligations, and after the wedding, the bride may wear a ring with any decoration she likes.

The groom gives the bride a ring, traditionally a plain wedding band, and recites the declaration: Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel. The groom places the ring on the bride's right index finger. According to traditional Jewish law, two valid witnesses must see him place the ring.

During some egalitarian weddings, the bride will also present a ring to the groom, often with a quote from the Song of Songs: "Ani l'dodi, ve dodi li" (I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine), which may also be inscribed on the ring itself. This ring is sometimes presented outside the chuppah to avoid conflicts with Jewish law.

Seven blessings

The wedding formally begins when The Sheva Brachot are read. The Sheva Brachot or seven blessings are recited by the hazzan or rabbi, or by select guests who are called up individually. Being called upon to recite one of the seven blessings is considered an honour. The groom is given the cup of wine to drink from after the seven blessings. The bride also drinks the wine. In some traditions, the cup will be held to the lips of the groom by his new father-in-law and to the lips of the bride by her new mother-in-law. Traditions vary as to whether additional songs are sung before the seven blessings.

Breaking the glass

After the bride has been given the ring, or at the end of the ceremony (depending on local custom), the groom breaks a glass, crushing it with his right foot.

There are different reasonings that exist for this custom. Some believe that breaking the glass is a somber occurrence to reflect on the destruction of the two Jewish temples. Former Sephardic Chief Rabbi of Israel Ovadia Yosef has strongly criticized the way this custom is sometimes carried out in Israel, arguing that "Many unknowledgeable people fill their mouths with laughter during the breaking of the glass, shouting 'mazel tov' and turning a beautiful custom meant to express our sorrow" over Jerusalem's destruction "into an opportunity for lightheadedness."

The origin of this custom is unknown, although many reasons have been given. The primary reason is that joy must always be tempered. This is based on two accounts in the Talmud of rabbis who, upon seeing that their son's wedding celebration was getting out of hand, broke a vessel – in the second case a glass – to calm things down. Another explanation is that it is a reminder that despite the joy, Jews still mourn the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. Because of this, some recite the verses "If I forget thee / O Jerusalem..." (Ps. 137:5) at this point. Many other reasons have been given by traditional authorities.

Reform Judaism has a new custom where brides and grooms break the wine glass together.

Yichud

Yichud (togetherness or seclusion) refers to the Ashkenazi practice of leaving the bride and groom alone for 8–20 minutes after the wedding ceremony, in which the couple retreat to a private room. Yichud can take place anywhere, from a rabbi's study to a synagogue classroom. The reason for yichud is that according to several authorities, standing under the canopy alone does not constitute chuppah, and seclusion is necessary to complete the wedding ceremony. However, Sephardic Jews do not have this custom, as they consider it a davar mechoar (repugnant thing), compromising the couple's modesty.

Today, the Yichud is not used to physically consummate the marriage. Instead, couples will often eat and relax together for this short period of time before the dancing and celebrations of nissuin begin. Since the wedding day is considered the bride and groom's personal Yom Kippur, they may choose to fast leading up to the wedding. The Yichud can be spent as a time for the couple to break their fast and have their first meal together. Even if they did not choose to fast, it is still a secluded opportunity for the couple to spend quality time with one another before continuing on with the busyness of their wedding day.

In Yemen, the Jewish practice was not for the groom and his bride to be secluded in a canopy (chuppah), as is widely practiced today in Jewish weddings, but rather in a bridal chamber that was, in effect, a highly decorated room in the house of the groom. This room was traditionally decorated with large hanging sheets of coloured, patterned cloth, replete with wall cushions and short-length mattresses for reclining. Their marriage is consummated when they have been left together alone in this room. The chuppah is described the same way in Sefer HaIttur (12th century), and similarly in the Jerusalem Talmud.

The Wedding Feast

After the wedding ceremony and the Yichud, the bride and groom will make a grand entrance into a room filled with friends and family to begin the celebrations. The wedding ceremony is considered a serious religious event, while the wedding feast is considered a fun, lively celebration for the couple. It is expected and required for the guests to bring joy and festivities to the couple on their wedding day.

At the Wedding Feast, there is dancing, singing, eating, and drinking. This is broken up into two celebrations. Towards the beginning of the wedding feast, there is dancing and celebrations, but men and women are separated. After a couple of hours, a more lively celebration begins. Typically, this occurs after the older guests leave, and there is a mixing of men and women (not at orthodox weddings), and a dance is usually involved.

Special dances

Dancing is a major feature of Jewish weddings. It is customary for the guests to dance in front of the seated couple and entertain them. Traditional Ashkenazi dances include:

• The Krenzl, in which the bride's mother is crowned with a wreath of flowers as her daughters dance around her (traditionally at the wedding of the mother's last unwed daughter).
• The Mizinke, a dance for the parents of the bride or groom when their last child is wed.
• The Horah, a circle dance. Dancers link arms or hold hands, and move with a grapevine step. In large groups, concentric circles may be formed.
• The gladdening of the bride, in which guests dance around the bride, and can include the use of "shtick"—silly items such as signs, banners, costumes, confetti, and jump ropes made of table napkins.
• The Mitzvah tantz, in which family members and honored rabbis are invited to dance in front of the bride (or sometimes with the bride in the case of a father or grandfather), often holding a gartel, and then dancing with the groom. At the end the bride and groom dance together themselves.

Birkat hamazon and sheva brachot.

After the meal, Birkat Hamazon (Grace after meals) is recited, followed by sheva brachot. At a wedding banquet, an enhanced version of the call to Birkat Hamazon is used, including (in Ashkenazic communities) the first stanza of Devai Haser. Prayer booklets called bentshers may be handed out to guests. After the prayers, the blessing over the wine is recited, with two glasses of wine poured together into a third, symbolising the creation of a new life together.

Jewish prenuptial agreements

In present times, Jewish rabbinical bodies have developed Jewish prenuptial agreements designed to prevent the husband from withholding a get from his wife, should she want a divorce. Such documents have been developed and widely used in the United States, Israel, the United Kingdom and other places. However, this approach has not been universally accepted, particularly by the Orthodox.

Conservative Judaism developed the Lieberman clause in order to prevent husbands from refusing to give their wives a get. To do this, the ketubah has built in provisions; so, if predetermined circumstances occur, the divorce goes into effect immediately.

Timing

Weddings should not be performed on Shabbat or on Jewish holidays, including Chol HaMoed. Weddings cannot be had on Shabbat because the purpose of a wedding is for the bride to acquire her groom, and vice versa. Shabbat regulations prohibit any transactions or acquisitions, so weddings are not allowed. Additionally, for guests to arrive at the wedding via transportation or for the wedding to be a success, there would have to be labor performed that day, which is not permitted. The period of the counting of the omer and the three weeks are also prohibited, although customs vary regarding part of these periods. Some months and days are considered more or less auspicious.