11/30/23

RAAGGGHH!! Bonking my head, bonking my head!!!

I did it again! I planned to study last night, and I just blew off my own plans and played Lethal Company instead!
I'm starting to think this is some weird co-dependent bit my brain is doing, where I get envious my boyfriend is playing games with other people and not me, so I ditch everything to also hang out.
I just need to be better! I need to realize not every day of my life can be filled with entertainment. If I want to get my GED and immigrate to the U.S. I NEED to hunker down!! 

Even worse, I ran out of Keurig pods today, so no coffee to start my morning. I ended up picking up two Monster Ultras to keep me going today and tomorrow, until I get paid; even then I don't have much for a grocery, because of the nature of my boyfriend visiting I have to pay rent SUPER early, so I have enough money to do fun stuff with him. My grocery for the next two weeks might just be $1 ramen.
I just thank whatever god is out there that I get paid 3 times this month, it'll make it easier on me.
But hoo boy! The first paycheck of January is going to be tough. Even if I wasn't taking a little over a week off, the last week of December and first week of January my store will ONLY be open for 4 days. Of course I'm still going to be paid for holidays, so I'll have a little money, but I think my bank account is only going to bounce back in February after tax returns...

Anyways, I'm finally going back to the gym tonight. After almost 3 weeks of skipping out on my 2 days a week routine. I'm pretty upset with myself, but haven't seemed to lose any muscle mass. Which is fantastic, because gaining muscle mass for me is like Sisyphus's boulder with my eating disorder. It's like, "you need to eat more to gain muscle." "But if I eat more I'll gain weight." "But if I continue with how much I currently eat my body is going to EAT THE MUSCLE!"
It's also like, I need to protein max, but the cost of meat is criminal...

I was also wondering while walking to my bus stop last night. I'm a bit of a novice vinyl collector, and I've been looking to make little Youtube videos for awhile; would anyone be interested in a short little video exploring my current music collection?
I'd also like to make a couple vlogs/study session videos, and I'd update my blog here with the embeds most likely.
Let me know what you think! 

Hope all of you have a lovely, productive day that leaves you feeling accomplished!

✧ciao