.

i can fix my hair and stick on fake nails to come back to my self, but this time i remain absent. theres so many options and i dont know what to go with because i dont think i know what i want to do. so maybe i'll listen to old music and watch movies from my younger years to maybe remind me of what i once wanted. but its too silly and ive only ever wanted the most unrealistic things. i know ill never actually get what i truly desire here so why even bother? ive even cut myself off from fantasizing, so the only life worth living is when im asleep. how can i do anything here when ive been so busy in the dreamworld. I know it affects my rest and im eternally tired. so ill just think about it, and think about it and think about it. why am i still awake?