unreality, loveloss, and films

thinking about unreality and loveloss in media. thinking about eternal sunshine and the future and twin fantasy and someone who isn’t me.

the unreality of it all is a character in it of itself. the whole idea of it. being stuck in your own mind. trapped there. aware of yourself. aware of what’s happening, to an extent, but still fighting.

fighting so hard to break away or change your memories, change the past. 

change yourself. 

change others. 

the idea created of someone else in our heads. projecting yourself onto someone else and falling in love with them. falling in love with a fictionalised version of someone. 

the love you feel is a projection, merely a mirror of yourself. safety. safety which leads you into danger. danger which breaks you. breaks your perception of love. what you can love. what love you can receive. 

it’s like time stops.

time stops and you’re in your own mind, stuck. trapped, trapped again. fighting yourself. fighting time. fighting figments of your lover as they appear only in your head, only in this moment. 

and everything jumbled together is a cacophony of sound and feeling and light. oh, so much light. blinding light. the moon just shrugs when you ask how to go on. 

you’ve stopped yourself, you’ve stopped yourself in your own mind. but time ? time still moves. it’ll keep on going until you realise. and even then, it never stops. 

yeah.