egodeath (tw)

i don't actually know if i experienced egodeath but two years ago for four months straight i could not think of any reason to continue living and i couldnt feel any compassion towards others; there were constant suicidal thoughts that i couldn't get out of my head and the whole time i was just sitting there questioning why i was even thinking about attempting in the first place. i wasn't even sad i was just void of emotion, i couldn't cry even if i tried. i didn't see myself having a good future and mainly thought i would be dead by the time high school graduation rolled around, i couldn't picture a scenario i could be happy in - however one day i just said Fuck it all and now i love life so it was a good experience i suppose but i still don't know what happened to me

no event made me snap in or out of this mental state so i am still here wondering after 2 years why i ever thought about suicide or why i was void of emotion for about 4 months, someone who is educated on the topic Gotta figure this shit out