hyperfixations 0_0

hai! this is jus a quick lil "rant" (if u can call it that) about my hyperfixations... or more specifically my experiences with them.

sometimes i feel as though having more than one hyperfixation, 4 at that, makes them less of hyperfixations. i think to myself; am i being fr rn? and its moments where every small miniscule thing will remind me of them in some way. recently i had learned that 100 gecs is my special interest and other things are hyperfixations, just quite long lasting. the difference between the two is kinda hard to tell sometimes! the main factor i took away to discover which was which was noticing how i felt after falling out of my old special interests. those felt MUCH more intense and caused a much greater depression! yes of course id still hold interest in them but they didnt hold the same... MAGIC i felt with them before! oh, it was... quite sad. but anyway, with hyperfixations, i still felt sad after not thinking about them as much, but i wouldnt feel null and void. especially with shorter lasting ones

as an example, losing the magic in dhmis after about 6 years DESTROYED me... but when i lost the magic with khonjin house (mostly because of how problematic it turned out to be :/) i felt... much less like that. sad, but not totally empty, as if i lost a piece of myself.

special interests to me are what make you, you as an autistic person. like.... i am 99% gec. thats barely exaggeration. hyperfixations are just what you think of a... lot. more than a normal person. 

ive learned that with special interests you dont think of them as much, either. well, you do, but hyperfixations are on your mind a lot more. thats why theyre called hyperfixations. with special interests, you dont have to constantly be thinking about it for that same magic in it to still be held.

all in all, i feel like having both adhd and autism is super confusing bc of this. arrhfhhh!!! it took so long for me to realize they were different in my own head... i digress. thats about it. if you for some reason read this all... thank you!!!!! ur epic. have a good day or night. xoxo /p