Ophelia

there's a sick sweetness in your head

when you feel like you've forgotten something.

the world starts to hum

and everything spins in a nauseous way you don't care to understand.

I was never homesick I was the sick one.

I remember so little beyond sharp blade's flashes, and I am terrified I've forgotten something big.

there's a double-edged candle hanging from a thread

and I named it after you.

we seem to be going opposites

and I'm worried I haven't learned anything yet.

sometimes after you leave it's hard to remember you were ever sad.

sometimes after you leave it's hard to remember you were ever happy.

there's an apricot pit that has sunk to the bottom of my stomach, sweet, bitter.

the air shifts in a terrible way

that lets you know you are smaller than you could ever think.

I am an ant under your shoe

and you are a dog in my lap.

I thought I could be okay

but my home brings panic attacks

and my heart drops when I know it shouldn't.

all roads lead to the place we met

there's us again.

I am singing the tylenol bottle to sleep again

there's another forgotten anniversary

but my love still grows with each one

bitter, sweet.

and there's that feeling again

the pulling 

the wax dripping

the pit sprouting luscious green

the ravenous dogs

the silvery edge

a cliff,

and I'm diving.

***