Christmas 2023

I remember people saying that being Emo is to fully express your genuine emotions. And you wanna know something? I can't wait for Christmas this year, more than any other.

For so fucking long, I spent the holidays worrying about people who couldn't care even if I had dropped dead in front of them. I spent Gods knows how much money and wasted Helheim knows amount of hours screwing myself backwards trying to appease them. Last year was the first year where I refused to attend the family Christmas Day dinner, cause if I'm gonna be spending Christmas alone anyway I'd rather do it on my own terms.

Those terms include not wasting my time and money on ableist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, toxic assholes. I remember last year I was a bit sad at not having as big a Christmas or the usual amount of presents, but I quickly got over that. Now? I don't give two shits. I have the people who matter to focus my time and effort on. My best friends in all the Nine Realms, my dear mother, and of course, my Gods and my ancestors. But more than all of them; I get to spend it with myself. I can read whatever stories I like, watch 'Saw' if I feel so inclined while stuffing down a turkey into my gub, I can light as many candles as I like and lounge in my PJs all day. I get to decide for myself what Christmas looks like to me; I get to meet my needs as a disabled, Autistic person and surround myself with nothing but genuine love, warmth and compassion. And for what feels like the first time in forever, I am fully emotionally free from those assholes I wasted my time on. There are obviously the few I wish weren't caught in the crossfire, but I can't stay for the few when the negative outweighs them. I can only hope one day they will understand why I walked away.

Until then; I know December starts on Friday but idgaff. Merry Christmas, Happy Yule! God Jul, Joyeux Noel, Feliz Navidad, メリークリスマス, 메리 크리스마스, (and so on), and have a fucking glorious New Year! I hope this winter solstice is filled with nothing but warm blankets, soul nourishing food and beloved, genuine company for you!