Life has been yikes...

TW!!!! Suicide, mentions of medication, psych facility

Life has been horrible lately. I have never been so close to ending it all. I even wrote a note and everything to vent. I was put on a mood stabilizer recently on top of my usual anti-depressants, but the weeks within taking the stabilizer I have never experienced such pain and agony in YEARS. I had five breakdowns in the week of thanksgiving break, and four this week so far which has only been two days. I've been taken off of the stabilizer and my parents have been trying get in contact with my psychiatrist which I am scheduled to call with tomorrow. We are going to ask her about me going to an inpatient facility and going off all of my medication under supervision. This hard time has made me realize how much I care for my parents, related to them or not, and how much I am grateful for my friends, talking to them often or not. School has been a nightmare but I had my IEP meeting which is a plus I guess... Everything has just been very painful to the point my heart has literally been aching with pain and hurt. I just hope it gets better...