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I didn't think I'd ever feel 100% okay physically again, but it happened after a couple of weeks. I've gone through long sober streaks before - but this time has to be it and it will be.
I often have dreams where I'm smoking and I almost become very conscious of the effect it has on me in, like I get high in my dreams. The first couple of dreams I had like that, I woke up very scared because I thought I had gotten high in reality. It only took a few minutes for me to remember it was a dream.
It's interesting though, because sometimes in those dreams I almost feel like I am high. It's weird, and almost kind of like a craving release? That's the best way I can describe it.
I wonder if other people experience that phenomenon (if that's what you can call it).
One of the last dreams I had like that - I remember smoking, getting scared because I would get sick - but then rationalizing to myself that it was okay for some reason, like if I didn't smoke too much I wouldn't get sick.
That's not how it goes though, if I do (in real life) smoke at all, any amount - I will get violently ill. I just don't know how soon it will come on.
I don't really crave it though, in real time.
We recently moved back to the same apartment building we lived in during 2020 before we lived in Kentucky.
It still smells like weed, especially in the bathroom sometimes.
I'm certain it's our neighbor across the hall. It doesn't bother me too much. Sometimes it's annoying in the sense that there's annoyances that come with apartment living.
This year was supposed to be amazing - it started out good, then got bad. Then there were good parts. I guess it's okay now but such is life.
I have high hopes for 2024 but I don't want to get excited or too expectant.
I'm just glad I don't get violently ill anymore.
A lot of my creative energy is going into bracelet making again for The Trilogy Tour - that's probably going to be the biggest highlight of next year.
I was very lucky and fortunate to be able to buy tickets again. I was kind of accepting loss before they went on pre-sale, but I got them.
If you're reading this: hi, and thanks!
I want to try and be more active on here/Tumblr again, I want to try to draw more again.
I haven't been putting lots of energy into promoting my art/website because it's exhausting.
Creating helps with distraction, and distraction keeps the cravings and wants far at bay.
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